Multiples. A quote about.

“Those who are aware of their condition and experience themselves as “multiple” might refer to themselves as “we” rather than “I.”  I shall use the term “multiple” at times, in respect for their internal experience.  It is important to point out, however, that I recognize that someone who is multiple is actually a single fragmented person rather than many people.  On the outside, a multiple is probably not visibly different from anyone else.  But that image is only an imitation: people who are multiple cannot think like the rest of us, and we cannot think like them.  (In fact, since it is difficult for the multiple to understand how singletons think, some of them might think that it is you who are strange.)

I just find this quote so funny because I have been told before that I have a bunch of different personalities.  I have been told this more than once, and recently, and by the same x-person!  And it was very hurtful.  And very recent.  And I thought I was done with him this last time.  (I am done again now.)  I thought I was done the time before that, and the time before that.

Why do women go back and forth in their toxic relationships?!  (Men too, I guess.)  Why?!  By the way, I am not the only woman out there that gets this bad wrap, or has gotten one, about having different personalities!  Women everywhere are told they have different personalities, right?!

Seriously, I want to say something kind of mean right now about him.  And why not, he won’t see it.  I won’t use any names.  But it is just because I am hurting.  And while I have mucho mucho to do still for me in my life, more work to do on myself, I am also almost the most ready and stable for a relationship and a family, if I were going to have one.  Aside from the most wonderful 10 year old boy a person could ever have.  He is my family.  Me and him, my 10 year old!

I just want to say that my year was tougher because of my coming in and out of this toxic relationship!  I don’t even know how it got so bad.  How come we could not communicate?!  How come I struggle in this department so much?  Oh yeah.  I have multiple personalities.  What a joke!  I swear, if I ever hear those 2 words again, you will see a different personality come out of me.  HA!

We both wanted the same things most of the time, but had different ideas about how to get there.  And we could not communicate.  Mainly because he didn’t like the way that I communicated.  We had other problems, yes.  And more serious problems, yes.  But we always got through them.  However, this communication thing, this constant fighting and arguing about how we communicate.  What is that?  He didn’t like the way I communicated.  He could tell when he thought I was about to take a convo to another place, and he would “warn” me, he said.  That is so unfair!  I needed to submit, I would never submit.  I needed to know when to shut up.  WTF?!  I would submit.  I would stop, but sometimes I just wanted to finish my one thought!

The day he left, we had barely started talking about what had happened just the day before, when we got into it a little bit over the most stupid shit ever!  But when I told him to leave because of the things that he was already saying to me and because we were not getting anywhere, he left, but not before he said some more really mean shit.  He grabbed his stuff and said this before he left.  At least his life doesn’t suck.  How his life is awesome.  How his life is going nowhere but straight up.  And, I have never done anything.  The only thing I have ever done, and he points to the room where my son is behind the closed door.

Yeah, well, I have done a lot.  I have almost finished college, managed to start my career.  I am making it on my own.  I have given years of good service to my Church and I love God.  I had natural childbirth and birthed the most awesome human being, who is smart, kind, and athletic!  What else do I have to do?!  I want the simpler things now.  I want to vacation, not travel.  And I want to meet someone who wants to hang out with me and my son.  That doesn’t mean you have to date both of us.

There.  That is all.  Have a blessed day.

And if you are struggling in a relationship, stop struggling already.  No, but really.  Do something for yourself!  Don’t ever let someone bring you down, or put you down, or call you names.  Or tell you to shut up.  Don’t shut up.  Know when to submit, yes, maybe.  If that is your relationship.  But stand up for yourself!  And be you!  And don’t let anyone tell you who you are when you know who you are!

God bless.

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